The Candle Burns Out

Today
I may have burnt out a little with the reduced sleep for the past two weeks; for the past 3 days I have done little to no work, and have instead spent my time staring at text getting no information into cognition. This comes at a bad time, as I have plenty to complete before the sub-district getaway on the coming weekend and the Public Law exam the weekend after. Assignments to complete before the mid-sem break, on top of the piles of readings to be done.
Yesterday I watched a show with a profane title: Unglourious Basterds. It was nonetheless a good show; a well-developed story (though fictitious) reflecting a fantasy to kill the Fuhrer during Nazi occupation of France. The acting was fantastic; Brad Pitt's talent does not waste away even though he has aged very rapidly in the few years. There was also very impressive talent for accents and fluency for multiple languages from many cast members. Casual and extremely brutal violence ran through many parts of the show. Unlike Valkyrie (which was based on a true, therefore unsuccessful attempt to assassinate Hitler), this show ended with him burning along with Goebbels and members of Nazi high command in a locked theatre to the sinister laughter of a Jewish lady.
Today passed quickly thanks to waking up late; time at church flew as well. Self-noticeably, I was rather animated today. Doubt many have seen me that way, and no one is used to it. (Hmmmn. What's happening to me?)


Rejoicing in Sufferings
2Cor12:7-9 "To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was give me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."


Also reference to Rom5:3-4 and James1:2-4. The point being made is that God allows us to endure hardship to strengthen us. When we first come close to God, it is a honeymoon; we are joyful and eager to begin a new life with God. However, we are like eggs. We either hatch, or we go bad. It is then a time when we undergo testing of our faith; suddenly the calmness becomes a storm. Difficult times, difficult people, difficult things to understand enter our lives.


Taiyong has once spoken of God's refining process. He refines with fire. Gold is first mined in its ore form. It must be subject to extreme heat to burn away impurities, until it is allowed to cool into a mould and solidifies as a beautiful pure block of gold, as the goldsmith had shaped it. The same must be done with us.


Simon Peter was an apostle who really yearned to be by Jesus' side; he was the only one to ask Jesus to call him to walk on the water, the one who said he would never leave Jesus. However, he was plagued with pride. when the time came for his purification, the Lord said 'Simon, Simon! Indeed, Satan has asked for you, that he may sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brethren.' - Luke22:31-32 Jesus had allowed Peter to be shaken, so that all that needed to be removed from him would fall away.



Lisa Bevere speaks of a spiritual shaking. It has five purposes:
1. To bring it closer to its foundation
2. To remove what is dead
3. To harvest what is ripe
4. To awaken
5. To unify or mix together so it can no longer be seperated


When we build our houses, do we build on sand or on the Rock which is God? When shaking comes, the house on sand will collapse and its destruction is complete. We have so stand girm in our faith; otherwise we will not stand at all. (Isaiah 7:9) Luke 6:48 'He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built.'

Therefore when we face sufferings, we must rejoice; it means God has picked us up and began His purifying process. Hebrews 12:7 "Endure hardship as discipline: God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? 10Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness."

The Sword of Damacles
This was just something used to illustrate uncertainty in lecture; I found it an interesting story to share. I shall rip the whole thing off Wiki since I can't express it any better myself:

The Damocles of the anecdote was an obsequious courtier in the court of Dionysius II of Syracuse, a fourth century BC tyrant of Syracuse. Damocles exclaimed that, as a great man of power and authority, Dionysius was truly fortunate. Dionysius offered to switch places with him for a day, so he could taste first hand that fortune. In the evening a banquet was held where Damocles very much enjoyed being waited upon like a king. Only at the end of the meal did he look up and notice a sharpened sword hanging directly above his head by a single horse-hair. Immediately, he lost all taste for the fine foods and beautiful boys and asked leave of the tyrant, saying he no longer wanted to be so fortunate. Dionysius had successfully conveyed a sense of the constant fear in which the great man lives.

This story I found particularly familiar to any of us; what is God's plan for us? What will be of our future? Where will we work, who will we marry, are we going to be comfortable? There was something Derrick shared with me, which is very meaningful:


Hebrews 11:1 "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." If we already knew what was coming our way, what then is the purpose of faith? If we knew what God has planned for us, then there is nothing for us to trust unto Him. Of course this does not mean blind faith, but rather a complete trust coupled with an alert lookout so that we do not miss what God puts in front of us. John 20:29 "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."

Rejoice in our sufferings

Today was 1/10 for work done. Did so little work. But accomplished and learnt other things, so thankfully it's not a wasted day. Bought myself a cheap tripod (this means a whole new dimension of photography). There was a little incident regarding problems that David and I have with our housemate. Time for some dialogue to end the cold war.

Cell
Today's cell was a sharing among the brothers (though I knew Derrick had an agenda). The main thing he had to bring up was that the brothers, as men, are spiritual leaders and we ought to set the spiritual pace in the lifegroup. It seems the brothers have gotten a little cushy in our comfort zones and we have to retune our priorities. Some thoughts:

1. Derrick was very strong and yet humble and loving. It's hard to do what he did tonight.
2. It should not be a case of "we like doing this, lets see how we can be Christian as we continue doing it" but rather we should aim to seek God first, and put true fellowship first as the agenda of coming together before we drift into leisurely activities. Leisure is good for bonding, and all forms of leisure are permissible, though not all are beneficial (1Cor6:12).
3. We must actively reach out to non-Christians. If all our friends are only Christians, then we are not fulfilling our purpose to spread the good news. (Matt28:18-20).
4. We do not live for ourselves. These words have come to me from Zhangs, from David and from Jon Phan. We live a shared life, in God, in Jesus, the Holy Spirit, in brothers and sisters. Jon's analogy is that of the community, that moves together to close gaps and not individuals ripping themselves apart trying to cover gaps on their own.

 

The view of the Brisbane River and the City from Derrick's balcony. 

 

I guess God has been speaking to me a lot more in the past few days; regarding my pride and self-centredness (see points 3 and 4 above); about being righteous, and for a week about joy (see older post).

Living for Christ
Another extract from C.S.Lewis about living the Christ-life:
When we choose to follow Jesus, we really have to carry our cross and die to ourselves (Matt 10:38-39). Christ did not say to surrender certain things, he wants the whole of our being and give us a new life. This is the hardest and easiest part of Christianity.
It is easier to completely surrender than trying to hold on to 'ourselves', to try and be 'good' from what we are now. It's letting your heart and mind desire after earthly things while we hope that we are honest and chaste and humble and that we will somehow end up in heaven without actually having aimed for it. We are new creations; the old has gone and the new has come (2Cor5:17).

SIGH. I mean, Hallelujah
And a little tragedy to rejoice in:
The lens I ordered from USA got back-ordered and will delay 10 days. This means Keith's mum will not receive it before she flies here from USA. I've since tried to cancel the order and shall choose to be patient for the next opportunity to get the lens. When I first read the email my thoughts were 'Why, Father? Why why?? What did I do wrong to deserve punishment?'
Soon, (Zhangs, thank you for this) I was reminded that it's all in God's control. Who knows why God let this happen? Is He making things easier for Keith's mum? Does he want me to give the business to Auntie Bacehus (who runs a camera shop in Singapore)? Does He want me to be patient cos He's going to lead me to find it for an even better price? A better lens? To learn to do without the lens at all?


The Sword of Damacles can wait. It's about uncertainty anyways.

Any Dream Will Do

 The lawn behind Forgan Smith Building, UQ at noon (note the slanted shadows)

I closed my eyes, drew back the curtain
To see for certain what I thought I knew
Far far away, someone was weeping
But the world was sleeping
Any dream will do

I wore my coat, with golden lining
Bright colours shining, wonderful and new
And in the east, the dawn was breaking
And the world was waking
Any dream will do

A crash of drums, a flash of light
My golden coat flew out of sight
The colours faded into darkness
I was left alone

May I return to the beginning
The light is dimming, and the dream is too
The world and I, we are still waiting
Still hesitating
Any dream will do

A crash of drums, a flash of light
My golden coat flew out of sight
The colours faded into darkness
I was left alone

May I return to the beginning
The light is dimming, and the dream is too
The world and I, we are still waiting
Still hesitating
Any dream will do

A very cheerful song of the dear Dreamer.

The Ferris Wheel at Southbank

Today
A long day of 5 continuous hours of class. (4, cos I decided PASS was less important than studying for the Econs test). A better focus during Constitutional Law lecture, a better preparation for the tutorial. Still struggling to catch up with the concepts and how to tackle this subject.
I left econs test early because I had done what I could; no point checking something thrice and changing my answer to a wrong one. I guess I could have studied better but I've been tied up with the law subjects which are more important anyway.
After class... a trip to Indooroopilly for thinning scissors, had Si Yi over for David's dinner of pasta in beef stew + mushroom and chicken (heh. Don't anyone let David know i posted about this) which was... 'edible'. Dinner was over an appreciation of the Joseph soundtrack and a small introduction of two books to Si Yi.

Zoe
Man was created in the image of God. Gen1:27 'So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.' There is so much to explore in this single sentence.
For example 'created': what was this creation process? A manufacturing from raw materials (think Frankenstein)? A materializing from nothingness? The Bible suggests assemblage from dust.
'In his own image' so God has two hands and two legs? Hair? A beating heart, lungs? God can run, dance, sleep? Not quite the image of God we are used to. This phrase actually suggests that man was created to be a resemblance of God; to be God-like creatures that multiply and fill the earth and therefore we must fulfill this purpose. This is however not the crux of tonight's post.
This post focuses only on 'image'.

There are two levels of life and consciousness. There is animal consciousness, or Bios which is pretty much what animals have as well, and it comes to us by nature. Bios is upkept by subsidies from Nature such as air, water, food.. The Spiritual life is that which is in God from all eternity, and which made the whole natural universe, is Zoe. Bios is just a shadow, a trace of Zoe, just as a statue resembles a living man and a photo resembles a particular place.

God created us as flesh. For the entire Old Testament, through the struggles of God's people from creation to fall to deliverance to restoration, all man was living in the flesh. This made us weak to temptations and to our lack of power to do many things. The people turned to worshipping idols and committing immoral acts and doing evil as they gave in to desires of flesh, to greed and jealousy and hatred.

With the salvation brought to us through the death of Christ, the sins of us the flesh are atoned for. Not just now, but forever. The sins of all man, in the past present and future have been atoned for; we are now set free. God has saved us from death, and given us eternal life. I need not go on, salvation is the first message we hear as pre-believers.
The point of salvation is this: We were bought at a price. We are not our own. (1Cor6:20). Therefore, just as Christ died for us, we are to die to ourselves (baptism) and be born again, living a new life with and for Jesus. John 3:5 'No one can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the Spirit'. Rom6 tells us that we are dead to sin, and alive in Christ.

The Spirit came to the church as Jesus had promised in Acts1:8, and the baptism of the Holy Spirit in Acts 2. This is where we began to live no longer in the flesh, which is dead, but in the Spirit, which is alive. Alive for eternity, and so full of God's glory. Any pilgrim of the time before the day of Pentecost in the year 33 (am I historically accurate?) would have given anything to have this privilege we have.

The change in us from Bios to Zoe is like being turned from stone to man. It is coming to life; spiritual life. Just as how God turned us from dust into flesh. The next transformation is from flesh into spirit; Bios to Zoe.

And in view of the time.. the Sword of Damacles can wait.

The bouganvillea corridor (whatever its real name is) that runs along the main part of Southbank.

Joy

Joy is not to be confused with happiness.
One is short-lived; the other is more lasting.
One is an emotion brought about by events, people, thoughts, experiences; the other is an inner state of heart and mind mostly caused by one's own attitude and optimism, humility. One is created, the other is discovered.
Both can exist independently; there can be happiness but not joy, and joy even in miserable situations. [2Cor8:2 'Out of the most severe trial, their overflowing joy and their extreme poverty welled up in rich generosity.']

I reflect upon this as part of self-reflection on: 1. My attitude towards others. Close friends, people I see weekly, new people, and passers-by. 2. My attitude towards life (my own life). Situations, day-to-day happenings, studies, errands, commitments. 3. My optimism to the more unseen: the future.

1. I am aware of my silent (but not shy) nature towards others, of being self-contained and secretive of my thoughts, and of how I do not radiate energy and cheer. I am difficult to make conversation with, and I do not actively create conversation even when I am in a social situation. During an introduction, mingling with people, at snack refreshments, at meals.
2. I mechanically go about day to day, with little desire to inject fun and enjoyment but rather just completing each day's work (particularly studying), with little sense of adventure or humour.
3. The future: I have little plans for a holiday (though it would be nice), and just a vague direction as to career outcomes. This is not necessariy a bad thing; I do commit my future into God's hands and therefore do not form concrete plans; rather I prepare myself for certain fields and equip myself with skills and knowledge. The bad thing about this is that failure to plan my time means failure to cast my nets; I could achieve more by exploring the ocean ahead of the boat rather than keeping the boat moving with my head down. Building on this analogy; it is good for me to leave it to God to set my bearing, but I should also keep an active look-out the horizon my bow is pointing at; then can I see the shore God wants me to land on. A sailor that follows the wind moves in circles no matter how fast he sails; but if he trims his sails to maintain his course, he arrives at his destination and discovers a new land no matter how long it takes him.

Speaking so far, I have come to understand the importance of joyful living. Cost-benefit analysis beginning with cost of being joyful. A person who indulges too much in enjoyment is foolish; he expends time and energy quickly and achieves less. Ecclesiastes 2:2 "Laughter," I said, is foolish. And what does pleasure accomplish? 3I tried cheering myself with wine, and embracing folly - my mind still guiding me with wisdom..." Further at v10 "I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure. My heart took delight in all my work, and this was the reward for all my labor. 11Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun."
However, being joyful does not require this; it requires one to carefully but postively engage in meaningful experiences that are worthwhile. Benefit: Self-discovery, release, learning, enrichment... Joy.

1. Joy naturally causes one to radiate positivity and confidence; it is attractive and contagious, charming. It triggers the chain reaction of sociability. Joy gives others assurance in you, that when you undergo anything it is done with joy therefore you are positive about it; your heart is in it. Joy builds rapport; giving and receiving of the intangible social gifts.
2. Joy in daily living unleashes a positive energy and a lightheartedness. It opens one up to enjoy what one is doing and there is a propensity to put more effort into it, usually achieveing about a better outcome in the process.
3. A joyful person is positive about the future. Optimism is important in one's striving.

Ecc2:24 "A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. This too, I see, is from the hand of God, for without him, who can eat or find enjoyment? 26To the man who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind."

Today was a long day of classes. I had in fact two coffees in the morning; one at home and another before lecture. That kept me awake despite the average of 5 hours of sleep the past several nights. The lecture was mosly a summary of readings; all it did for me was remind me how little I remembered after spending close to 10 hours of reading time on 6 articles. Lunch with Michelle at IH was a conversation on scuba diving snorkelling and a 5 minute crash course on operating my camera. Torts tutorial was my most dispassionate point of the day; I felt that little learning value existed in that 50 minutes. There was an argumentative girl at my table who shared most of the air time with the tutor (whom herself showed up in green from eyeshadow to dress to heels: Shrek's Fiona) and a girl beside her. Their assertions were terrible out of the scope of the tutorial: unrelated cases, less preferred precedent, explorations into irrelevance. It sapped the precious tutorial time that could have been spent more constructively.

Dinner was Si Yi's creation of apricot chicken. A very sweet, rich marinade for chicken thighs; baked to tenderness. Unfortunately I had to avoid eating too much; I was tired enough as it was.

 The night was perhaps the most stirring time I've experienced in a long time. The Joseph musical, produced by Harvest Rain. The star of the show (my very unqualified opinion) was, however not Joseph but the narrator, a very fantastic job done by Angela Cornford. She has a very powerful, very skilled and very warm-comforting voice. I was most impressed with Prologue and one of the later songs. Special notice also to the Pharoah, a spoof of Elvis but with no less prowess. Guest-starred by Michael Falzon, a star from We Will Rock You. Any Dream Will Do may just be the next song on loop. Highly impressed with the whole musical. Special thanks to Si Yi (if I ever let you discover this) for taking me to the 2nd musical I've ever watched in my life. It does wonders for my mood. Let's see if I catch Les Miserables too.

Next post: Zoe; the sword of Damacles

Logging goes online

This is my new blog.

It is an attempt at properly logging my life's events and reflections.


Let's begin.

Today is Tuesday 25/08/09.
School today was 2 lecture back to back, before which I was home doing readings.
Ended, took a walk with Si Yi to talk, rode the City Cat to West End to have David get me home.
Moderately uneventful.



After prayer with Zhangs, something to reflect on:


Prayer
It doesn't change God. God's will is sovereign, why would some utterances from even the most contrite and sincere heart tilt His plan? --God will not change his plan.
So, why pray at all?
Because in prayer, we open our hearts and minds to God. We come into His presence, and we seek answers. Prayer allows God to guide us, to point us in the direction He chose for us. It allows God to plant seeds in our hearts. It allows God to speak to us, to comfort us, to command us.
Phi4:6 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."


Pride - The utmost evil; the essential vice.

1 pride, superbia
				unreasonable and inordinate self-esteem (personified as one of the deadly sins)

My latest self-diagnosis. 

"There is one vice of which no man in the world is free; which every one in the world loathes when he sees it in someone else; and of which hardly any people, except Christians, ever imagine that they are guilty themselves. I have heard people admit that they are bad-tempered, or that they cannot keep their heads about girls or drink, even that they are cowards. I do not think I have ever heard anyone who was not a Christian accuse himself of this vice. And at the same time I have very seldom met anyone, who was not a Christian, who showed the slightest mercy to it in others. There is no fault which makes a man more unpopular, and no fault which we are more unconscious of in ourselves. And the more we have it ourselves, the more we dislike it in others."

-C.S.Lewis

Pride or Self-Conceit is the opposite of humility. 

It was through Pride that the devil became the devil.

We say that people are proud of being rich, or clever, or good-looking; they are in fact proud of being richer, cleverer, or better-looking than others.

Pride is essentially competitive in a way that other vices are not. The sexual impulse may drive two men into competition if they both want the same girl. But that is only be accident; they must just as likely have wanted two different girls. But a proud man will take your girl from you, not because he wants her, but just to prove to himself that he is a better man than you.

In God you come up against something which is in every respect immeasurably superior to yourself. Unless you know God to be that - therefore knowing yourself comparatively to be nothing - you do not know God at all.

... To develop humility, one must first realise that one is proud. No step precedes this. If you think you are not conceited, you are very conceited indeed.

 

         This is the Genius Workshop

 

The Australian Constitution, based on the US Constitution of 1789, with portions of the Swiss Constitution copied as well. Includes provisions for human rights, to do away with a written Bill of Rights. The reason I currently have no life:

On a side note, I have recently realized the importance of Joy. That shall be a post for another time.