Musings

Once more I'm found with some time, and shall get down the musings that I've been wanting to blog.

Tenant 5202
Firstly, the tribunal application. I'd like to rally for prayer support, to everyone who reads my blog! This will be my first experience, my maiden voyage into the many legal battles to come in my aspired legal career. I've never been to court even as an intern, and now I'll be entering and self-representing. Pray for wisdom and for God's favour, for it is the Lord who fights our battles.

Fellowship
Recently this has been where God has been leading me. Through a short period where I was undergoing a depressive state of isolation and loneliness, I cried out to God and He answered. Within a couple of weeks I found myself surrounded by supportive brothers and sisters showering me with companionship and concern. It was a real feeling of deliverance, because I learned to open my heart and to fellowship with others freely. However, this was a lesson to also trust in God and take delight in Him only.

"In a desert land he found him, in a barren and howling waste. He shielded him and cared for him; he guarded him as the apple of his eye, like an eagle that stirs up its nest and hovers over its young, that spreads its wings to catch them and carries them on its pinions. The Lord alone led him; no foreign god was with him. He made him ride on the heights of the land and fed him with the fruit of the fields. He nourished him with honey from the rock." Deut32:10-13

Coming out of that minor trial, I realized how apparent it was that many others had their share of struggles and secret woes, but with no one to share their burdens with. How many of us have splinters in our flesh, that we try not leave unnoticed until we strike them and feel the pain again? How many of us attend church service and lifegroup sessions with a smile on our faces but heavy hearts inside, just wanting to 'survive' and go home?

We need the Lord. We need encouragement. We need fellow believers to support us when we're down, to grow together with, to sharpen each other and to learn from conflicts, to love and be loved.

I've been praying and asking for wisdom, and taking small steps to grow in this area. I'm also being careful not to run ahead of God and take things into my own hands.

Polishing, refining, molding, growing
Several people have been telling me this. That God's growing and shaping me [more] in this season [than "normal times"]. Minor trials and little lessons. I've also been learning from actions of others, positive aspects I'd like to adopt and pick up, other areas that I caution myself not to follow in. It's almost as if God is putting me through a trials buffet, having a taste of everything so that I'll know what it's like in the shoes of others when they're facing the same trials.

Also having to root up some stumps from struggles that I've had, to renounce old sins and discarded habits completely. Someone shared with me that we can get so used to tiny bits of old things that remain in us, not realizing that they're footholds for the devil to continue to distract and hinder us.

At the OC, Ps Brendan Kirby told us that sin in our lives undermines the authority given to us by Christ, and we are less able to work with God. Ps Wen An shared last year that God can't use a vessel that isn't pure. We are called to be holy because He is holy. The prospect of righteousness is joy (Prov10:28).

Sine ira ac studio
This is a Latin phrase that means 'without anger or bias'. Read in context, it can mean 'without frustration or a judgmental attitude'. This really represents the attitude I was telling myself to take whenever I faced the trials and negative sides of others' behaviour. Impatience, flirtatiousness, pride, weaknesses, selfishness etc etc.

"If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her" (John8:7)

¹⁰"Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. ¹¹The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. ¹²I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.' ¹³"But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.' ¹⁴"I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted." (Luke18:10-14)

easter

So i've made it through the first half of the semester, and it's the Easter break. Just came back from the Oceania Convention, and completed my Criminal Law assignment today so I find myself with a bit of free time to put up this post.

Tenant 5202
Since the last post, I indeed laid siege and submitted an application to the Tribunal for dispute resolution. There was an electronic war-on-paper for a short period in which the agents demonstrated themselves dishonest, unreasonable and hard to deal with, part of the reason I proceeded to apply. I sent in the entire record of the emails with my application.

Part of what they wrote was purely personal attack. I found it immature and unprofessional for middle aged real estate agents to be saying someone is 'being a bad example to his sons' without having a clue about the person's character, behaviour and history. Also, he had no scale of comparison to place his groundless comment. I took pleasure in crushing his comment and ridiculing him to honour my father - even knowing God was watching my words. I knew that I'm proud of my father and that my father was wise to have been quiet and watchful while he was carelessly tossing empty threats at us.

"A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbour, but a man of understanding holds his tongue." Prov11:12 (NIV)

"He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin" Prov13:3 (NIV)

"He who corrects a mocker invites insult; whoever rebukes a wicked man incurs abuse. Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you. Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still; teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning" Prov9:7-9 (NIV)

Oceania Convention
OC was a good refreshing time. Originally I had intended to get rest while I was there, but it ended up with late nights and early mornings. Still, it was good to do my devotion in the mornings on the balcony with the sun coming at an angle and cold wind in my hair.

The theme centred around the church's core values; but was really impressed me was the size of Hope International Ministries, being in 41 countries and really growing, yet with such a grounding in the Spirit and the Word. To those who have ears and hear, this movement is really anointed. The preachers and pastors were also inspiring, real role models who encourage believers to persevere in Christ-likeness.

My experience there was actually strongest on the first night, when I felt the Spirit's refreshing presence and opened my heart to Him. Over the next few days the tiredness affected me a little, but revisiting the sermon notes really stirs my passion again.

The first takeaway for me was the change in my heart regarding fellowship. I really got to spend time with the members who went to OC, and it was good not feeling lonely anymore. Hearing what some of them said about secretly feeling like giving up serving and closing up to newcomers, I realized how much we needed to be encouraged and strengthened by fellowship. The koinonia and philadelphia are my next ministry; to build the spiritual union amongst my brothers and sisters; to unite in prayer and to be one in Spirit; to serve God and grow together.

The next was the vision; evangelism and growing God's kingdom, sharing His goodness to the many people who need Him both locally, back home in Singapore, around the world. My passion for missions has been strengthened, and as often as I am able to I will involve myself with mission visits. My long-time identification as a tentmaker still stands.

"We cannot be lukewarm in following Christ. If we are lukewarm, we're going to be spit out anyway. You might as well become evil!" Pastor Simon Eng, President, Hope International Ministries

The third takeaway was really all the little teachings; the first workshop I attended was on leadership, an aspect close to my heart ever since my JC days as a CCA leader that really defined my self-identity in many aspects of life. The second workshop was [mistakenly] labelled as leadership as well, but thank God that it turned out to be about passion for God, and it ministered to be as well.

There was also a prayer over me from a junior pastor who had the prophetic gift, but for now I'll keep those things in mind and they're reserved to discernment before further comment...

So OC was a good time for me, and I probably would go again to OC next year. It taught me a lesson about our attitude towards God. Although at first I didn't see how much I could learn by going, I overcame the feeling of pride. Those who went were blessed. I discovered that God is so much more than my personal relationship with him [although it is key]. God's love is among the body of believers.