Devoted

 Our Getaway Venue

Devoted was the title of the sub-district getaway at Burleigh Heads. It was very short for me, only Saturday evening to Sunday morning, so it's more than a workshop and less than a camp. I managed to catch one cell sharing session, one night of message and ministry and the closing service. Also missed the afternoon's visit to the beach. Drats.

While I was there I was particularly heavy-hearted, physically moderate but spiritually tired. I have been questioning the silence; what is it I am doing/not doing that keeps me from coming closer to God? It became clearer after the ministry time and a talk with Derrick.

The Shepherd picks up his Sheep
Derrick really put things into light for me on Saturday night. We began with me telling him how tired I was from spending 60-90 minutes every morning without hearing from God or coming close to Him. This was notwithstanding Joy's message about falling in love with God; coming close to God and Him coming close to us (Jam4:8). Am I not turning my eyes upon Him? Am I, when in prayer, really just talking to myself and not to God? This would mean not having a listening ear to God as well.

Derrick told me about how most great preachers and ministers go through a period of silence; and those are times when God always had a purpose for silence. A humbling, a refining and strengthening are all part of it. He told me that it is to build our perseverance (Rom5:3-4, Jam1:2-4, Heb10:36).

Sin (I have been overcoming a LOT of them for the past 11 months) is a possibility; unforgiveness and pride are the first two that I find in myself.

I could be taking a wrong approach to God as well. A very enlightening point that he picked up from a sermon was about how seeking God can become idolatry: When a worshipper is more focused on feeling God's presence and wanting to feel moved without wanting to actually listen to what God wants to place in his heart.

The example I saw was in songs of praise and worship. Some people get so caught up with the songs, singing them because they love the songs and not God. Isaiah29:13 'These people come near to me with their mouth and honour me with their lips; but their heart is far from me...' This same principle can apply to all forms of ministry and anything that we do in the context of the Church.

I told Derrick I have been continuing to grow in knowledge of scripture and Christian teachings; but he told me that the desire for knowledge can also be idolatry. I could get so caught up wanting to know Christian teachings but without wanting to know God better. I fail to remember where it was in the Bible that spoke of people who build up their knowledge but in doing so fail to seek God.

There is danger in seeking knowledge alone and not drawing to God: Prov26:12 'Do you see a man wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him.' -Pride. Jere8:9 'The wise will be put to shame; they will be dismayed and trapped. Since they have rejected the word of the Lord, what kind of wisdom do they have?' I took this to mean that when someone thirsts for knowledge but doesn't apply it in his walk with God, then he is in fact acting against the very knowledge he has (and possibly preaches). This is a very real danger in my own life. [Zhangs; this is adding on to what you shared with me about reading the Word meaningfully]

Derrick really encouraged me that night; he said that the most important thing in coming close to God is the desire to know Him. He told me not to give up, to which I replied I can't even give up because I'm stuck in the gap between the old life I've left and the new life which is yet to come. ("Didididididi. Doors closing. Doors closing." Aaaah!) He encouraged me to persevere. If it is something wrong I am doing that is the cause of silence, then seek righteousness all the more. If it is God who chooses to be silent, rejoice (tyong told me this too).
 

Judah 7 (the small number that managed to go) L-R from bottom to top: David Lue, Charmaine, Derrick, Christine; Rose, Mathiew; Me, David Li, Eileen, Jon Phan, Jared; Joy, Adeline, Diana, Sean